Human Stupidity

For anyone who has ever underestimated the extreme levels of human stupidity I must share the pain inflicted upon me during my precious time with a co-worker. Before I start I must set the scene, all of these extremely intelligent, highly astute questions were asked by a 21 year-old college student who only attends private schools (elementary, high school and college, which only adds to the debate that public school is the way to go!). These questions were asked on different occasions, all luckily towards me, because everyone knows how much I love stupidity! So here it is:

- "Can you drive to Portugal?"
But of course, I normally just swim over, but if the gas prices are low I simply fill 'er up and go on my merry way.

- "Is Europe near South America?
Yes, obviously, I skip over to Peru every weekend just for the hell of it.

- Quickly followed by: "Well, is Ecuador near Portugal?
Yes, one is inside the other as a matter of fact.

- "If American money is only used in the US how do you buy stuff in other countries?
Before coming back with a smart retort I spent about 20 minutes attempting to explain currency, but alas it was energy wasted. So someone did me the favor and ingeniously answered this one for me, well with beads and feathers of course.

- "Is Egypt normal? You know, are there cities, and stores, and buildings like here?"
I quote my answer to that "No, there is so much sand over there that they have to make holes in the sand and live in it." Unfortunately I underestimated the level of stupidity and heard this in response "Ohhhh, okay."

The first few times I heard inane questions fly out of her mouth it pained me that someone could be so obtuse. Then I simply decided that I could get a few laughs out of it. I still wonder how she has made it this far in life, but hey I guess stupid people have the right to live too, pause not...


(Note: Yes this happened in America, but I am highly offended by those who state that all Americans are stupid. That is very untrue, I do agree that stupidity is rampant in the country, but it is not general, there are many highly intelligent people as well. I am not stupid, quite the contrary, and take high offense to anyone who would include me in any generalizations.)

White Christmas, what is that???

Well, this blog seemed to have quite a few more entries when I had a million things to do. Now that I have endless free time (well this endless time is normally cut short by this strange thing called a clock, for some reason it deems it necessary to reach 23:59 and then start all over again) I seem to have no time to find anything mildly interesting or witty to say. Well moving on from my depressing, deranged and oh so lost life, on to my depressing, deranged, and oh so lost holidays! I went back to my homeland yet another nerve-racking, stress-filled, simply joyful family holiday. It took me about 2 minutes in the Lisbon airport before I was wondering why I had decided to take on such a task, especially without any morphine to numb the pain. Yet on to the point of this rant: the lack of white stuff falling from the sky. What I was most disappointed in was not receiving a visit from my friend Mr. Snow. What is Christmas without snow??? The song does go “I’m dreamin’ of a white Christmas,” so where was the white? Does snow now also take a vacation? I want those great Christmases when it was nice and chilly, which did not keep me from having my frozen nose against the window, waiting to see Santa’s sleigh, only breaking contact for that quick run to the fireplace to find a moment of warmth. When everyone stayed awake and actually opened gifts at midnight and was joyful through it all. Instead Christmas entailed a quick dinner, after which some went to sleep, others played computer games and the rest watched bad tv. So at about 10:30, tired of waiting, my father pronounced it time to open gifts. If I had been allowed that privilege when I was younger I would have been ecstatic, 90 minutes less of torturous anxiety over what the boxes contained, BLISS!!! Now, I was simply irritated. Beyond the fact that the amount of actual surprises under the tree were minimal, the whole happy gift opening tradition was washed away. Ahhh if only I could regress to the days when Santa was real, parents actually went to the trouble of buying you great gifts and midnight was the restlessly awaited time! Yet, everything would have been better, if I could have looked out the window and caught a glimpse of a wonderful flurry of snowflakes descending from the heavens. Oh well, maybe next year…

Cereal and Sprinkles

Since my highly engrossing lifestyle allows me eons of idiot box time I have become more acquianted with all that is available on cable television. While I sometimes wonder how many direct hits to the head he took as a child, and if his hair is real, Conan O'Brien has been able to make me laugh quite a bit every once in a while.
"Earlier tonight, President Bush had dinner with the president of Pakistan and the president of Afghanistan. And tomorrow, the president will have breakfast with Count Chocula and Captain Crunch."
While I admit I am not a fan of either sugar-gorged cereal I wonder why no one else was invited to that meeting. I am pretty sure many cavity-infested children would love to meet the Count and Captain Crunch, but noooo, Bush is so egotistical...

Of course Conan was nice enough to make me laugh some more with this gem:
"President Bush had dinner with the president of Pakistan and the president of Afghanistan. The president of Pakistan claimed Osama bin Laden is hiding in Afghanistan, the president of Afghanistan said Osama's in Pakistan and President Bush said, 'I like sprinkles on my ice cream.'"
The only thing that bothers me about this line is that I am an actual fan of sprinkles on my ice cream, but now I shudder to think I have something in common with that paramount of human stupidity. I am giving serious thought to giving up sprinkles forever, sigh...

Well the title of my last post was “It has been a while,” so I should title this one “It has been a lot longer while.” I have not been on here in quite a bit, not for lack of time, for I have an abundance of time, but for lack of, shall I say, inspiration. Boredom has yet to set in, but feelings of absolute uselessness have. When I was in school and working I wished for a few minutes of nothing, time where I could just stop and do nothing, think of nothing. Well, now I have all this nothing time and I want to scream. I admit I am a nerd at heart, I feel ineffective without being in school (and I shudder as I write this, but I miss the asylum that was my job, ahhhhhhh). I ran away from my daily stress and headaches to create new ones, because I feel an empty hole where they used to reside. I guess I am more content on the brink of a mental breakdown than when I have nothing to do. Am I odd? Oh yes, more than words can describe (and most mental practitioners as well). So now I await the 10th of next month when I begin a course in Russian language and culture (I guess I did enjoy the torture the first time around, so I have chosen to continue with it). So now that I have brought everyone up to par with my mental state, I shall leave you with the lyrics of a song I have been enjoying quite a bit,



The Fray’s “How to Save a Life”

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

It has been a while...

So I really have not been here in some time. Between working full-time and getting things ready for my trip, I have been losing my mind (well, honestly, that is my delusional side, thinking that there is actually something left of my mind, truthfully, it is soooo far gone). So yeah, moving is a horrible, terrible feat. A feat, yes, because one must feel so very accomplished once it is done. I simply wonder how in the world I own so many clothes, where did they come from, where have they been??? My theory is that a hole opened up and ate them, and when I decided it was time to start packing the hole reopened and they all came back. Good theory, or I believe it is. Packing is also slightly exciting, because I cannot wait to go. Yet, the fears are always there, next to the anticipation. I will miss my family, my friends, my co-workers, my job (in a horribly twisted way), but that is life.

I've heard that it’s possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope. I guess we're adults. The question is, when did that happen, and how do we make it stop?

Graduation

I want to thank all those involved, in one way or another, in the most important day of my life.

Jeff - You have been the best brother I could ever ask for. You are amazing, even when you piss me off. I am so unbelievably proud of the person you have become, and one day I will be going to your graduation. Thank you for being there on my day, thank you for all the support and your beautiful words (shocking, lol). Love you.

I could never thank my parents and my grandparents enough. My parents especially, did absolutely everything to make this day the best day in my life. The pride I saw in there eyes was more than enough to make me happy.

I will cherish every moment of yesterday for the rest of my life. Thank you to all those not mentioned here, if you were involved in some way, I thank you and wish to some day repay your kindness...

Another NJ quote, love it!

I'm from New Jersey. I curse a lot. I never had school on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. I sure as hell dont pump my own gas. I know what real pizza tastes like, and I know that a bagel is more than a roll with a hole in the middle. All good nights usually end at a diner, preferably w/ fries. It's a sub, not a hoagie or worse, a hero, and I wash it down with soda, not pop. Two words: mother fucker. And I don't go to the beach-I go down the shore. I judge people by what exit they are off the parkway. I know 65 mph really means 80. When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger.. and they expect it. I'm from New Jersey, and I fucking love this place.

Oh my, I'm done... No more tests, no more papers, no more enforced readings, no more midterms or finals. I cannot believe it...pinching myself... OK, so now what? Supposedly this is the transition into the "real world". So what exactly is this "real world"? Have I been living in a fake world? So when they give me my diploma next week, do they take me to the side and say "Hey, now that you have made it, we have to tell you the truth. You have been living in a mock world. Welcome to the real world!" At which point I am supposed to answer "Oh, thank you so much for elucidating me! So I just spent all these years of my life and all this money to realize that this is not the real world? Ok, so now do I get my money back?"