Meaning

How I wish I could surrender my soul;

Shed the clothes that become my skin;

See the liar that burns within my needing.

How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.

How I wish I had screamed out loud,

Instead I've found no meaning.

Is that what I search for? Is that what I cannot find? Meaning. Maybe it is not only my mind that is lost, but meaning. Did I lose that along the way? Did I trip during my journey and let it slip into the gutter? Or is it simply hidden within my mind?
Why? Does the answer to that one word become the answer to everything? Is that how I find it all? Does it become the light at the end of the tunnel? Does it lead to the answer that will free me, that will bring me peace, that will ease the pain...

I need something to happen. I just need a sign. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope, and in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today